HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
