I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
