I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
