you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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