I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My vagina is officially offended.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
