I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
