I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The adults are the big ones right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
