Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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