Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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