I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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