It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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