If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
