there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
