He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
