Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
