i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
