i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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