This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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