it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When did angry sex become our thing?
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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