Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
