There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
