if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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