Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
