I think i peed on brittanys purse
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
