PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
