I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
