There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
