i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
