Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
