My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
why is half of my head shaved?
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