I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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