yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Girls should come with a carfax report
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
