Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
