i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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