i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
