just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
