guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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