Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
