So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
