No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think i have herpe
just one?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
