Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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