That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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