He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
