If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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