i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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