I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
