I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
