I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
