i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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