I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
