Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
