New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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