I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My life is pants optional.
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