so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
