I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
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I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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