She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
